So much to do so little time...

There is a constant nagging in the back of my head that I NEED to get the adoption paperwork done that I have to do.  I am going to try and catch up on that this weekend.  I will have Endrit fill out the things that he needs to do. It has been interesting to find out the amount of time I will be spending as a teacher.  I am not complaining, it is just a little bit eye opening.  I am excited to embark on a year of teaching.  Adoption is still right there in my mind.  The reason why I am working is because I need to pay for adoption.  It seems to be one in the same to me right now.  Endrit passed his proposal so he should be graduating in a year or so.  Things seem to be working out well enough.  It is definitely not a dull time in our lives.  

OH...and I have a question...I think I know everyone that has looked at my blog except one.  Who is at Buena Park California?

I know

I know that I said that we would be filling out our paperwork and everything before the end of August.  Well, I don't think that we will be done in that amount of time.  It takes a lot longer to gather some of the financial information when you are working full time and trying to do a proposal for a doctorate and teaching when a week ago I didn't know that I would be teaching.  So, it is kind of a non update today.  I have all of the paper work printed out.  I just have to fill them out.  And Endrit needs to print things out.

Adopting While Fertile

There are a few things that take place when you adopt and know that you are fertile.  One of those things is a regular cycle.  I know that it may sound a little off for some people, but when you know that you are supposed to do something and you have a pure desire to do that, it isn't crazy to you.

Just FYI for some readers, I have been off all forms of hormonal birth control for 3 years.  We use the Fertility Awareness Method as outlined in the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler MPH as our form of birth control.  The 2 times that we have gotten pregnant we knew that there was a direct possibility that it could happen and were not at all surprised.

There are a couple of complications that I have found to adopting and charting my fertility on a daily basis.  We are adopting because we would like to have children.  There are multiple ways to have children when you are in a situation like mine.  Every cycle around ovulation I think to myself that I could have my first baby approximately 9 months from now.  Not the 1-2 years from now that adoption would take.  But then I think about all of the spiritual experiences that I have had that lead me to adoption and it makes it a lot easier to get through the time of peak fertility.

I talk about this because it is a constant reminder to the title of this blog.  It is our choice to adopt.  We were not forced into this as a last resort.  We want to bring children into our lives in this manner.  It is special to us to do this.  It has brought us closer together than we could have expected.

No clue

I have been counting on getting a job.  How hard would it be for a Science teacher to get a job?  Really hard in this economy.  I am not getting a contract.  I have been told no by every school in every district that interviewed me.  At this point, I don't think that we will be able to start the process this month.  We are not able to pay the fee to apply let alone adopt.  Since there is a chance that I am fertile regardless of my losses in the past, there might be an option there.  There is nothing set in stone.  We may not adopt our first.  We may.  It is all up to Heavenly Father.

Overwhelming

I have never been much of a crier.  I am able to cry, but I can go months without crying.  With the stress of Graduate school, the miscarriage, trying to find a job, adoption, and all of the other things, I sit down just to rest and I just start tearing up.  I am able to accomplish everything that I need to do, but I cry.  I know that it is hormones.  They are slightly out of wack right now on top of my overwhelmedness. 

(I love how I can make up words)

I also have not been taking my medications.  I know, bad on me.  I have been feeling fine minus the weepy feelings.  Kitty snuggles make up for that.  The biggest thing right now on my plate is Adoption paperwork.  It is very emotional for me to fill out these papers.  It is my first REAL step forward in the adoption process which will make me a mother.  It is amazing the processes that people go through to become parents.  This is the way that Endrit and I are supposed to start our family.  We will do everything in our power to accomplish this step in our lives so that we can expand our love to children.  We are ready to become parents.  It is awe  inspiring to know that we are going half way around the world to pick up the children of our hearts.  

Money

There are many things about adoption that make me think that it is nearly impossible.  There are people all around the world that can't have children, who want children, and can care for children.  So, with all of that out in the world, why then is it so expensive to be able to adopt?  It isn't that I am complaining.  It is that I think that there could be more of it if one would be able to not need the amount of a down payment on a house to be able to adopt.  Literally, we will be spending the amount that we put down on our house to adopt.  Approximately $30,000.

I am going in for a science teaching job interview on Wednesday.  Yes, it is August and I haven't signed a contract yet.  I am getting a little bit flustered with that.  More putting one foot in front of the other and having faith that it will work out.  It isn't far fetched for me to think that I will be able to get this job.  I have worked at that school before.  I know most of the faculty and staff at the school.  I guess you would say that I have a foot in the door.

I have to be able to work a year just to be able to make enough to cover costs.  Not anything about living expenses after a child or two come into our lives, but just getting them here.  And, it is more than worth it.  There is a reason why Endrit is from Albania.  There is no question in our minds that our children will be in one way or another, Albanian.

So, right now things come down to money.  When it is all over, it will only be about the love that we have for our children.