Finally went to the temple

Today Endrit and I finally had the time and ability to go to the temple today.  It was interesting because we didn't go through a session.  We did baptisms so we were rarely in the same area of the temple together.  We didn't have the ability to talk to each other sitting down in a quiet room like usual.  I got my answers, he got his answers, but we didn't talk about it.

We didn't talk about it in the car going to our after temple lunch eatery.  Food was ordered before we started talking.  I just asked, what are your answers.

Up until this moment of time Endrit has said that it didn't get a bad feeling with adoption but he hadn't had the revelation himself.  He was fine planning for it with me, but that was it.

Today he said that it was 100% sure that we will adopt.  Both of us know that right now is not the time to start anything.  We will have our checklist of what we need that we will work on, but we won't do any paperwork.

Endrit said that today was one of the best days he has had in the temple.  I agree with that. It was an amazing day with an amazing step in the right direction.  Finally, Endrit is on the exact same page as me rather than letting me read ahead and tell him what happens.  It is the best feeling.

Dreams, dreams, dreams

Last night I dreamed that I was going to Albania with Endrit and a few other people including my parents and some of my students at school.  The dream included 3 flights and a flight cancellation.  It had paperwork that I needed to be doing and traveling around the country.  In my dream paperwork had to be saved for my 2 children I would adopt.  I saw the children.  They were older.  I would say 8 years old or so.  I have been having the oddest dreams here lately.

I sometimes wished that I knew more about all of the dream psych stuff.  Then there are other times that I really don't care about what I dreamed about.  Endrit and I have even had the same dream on the same night.  That happened 3 nights ago. We both dreamed that we were moving in with 2 other people.  Odd.

I post this on this blog because sometimes I just think it is my subconscious preparing me for what my future holds.  Both dreams had me moving in with 2 people, adopting 2 children.  It is obviously something that I am looking forward to. 

List of questions

In preparation for the phone calls that need to make, I am making a list of questions that need to be answered before I feel comfortable moving ahead with the adoption process.  I know that the agency that we will most likely be working with has temporary status to facilitate Hague convention adoptions.  That expires in March.  The other 2 agencies that are out of Utah don't facilitate adoptions through Albania.

So, when I call the state department, I need to ask how it works if I have a home study from a Hague convention agency, but not have the ability to go through that agency for the placement of a child.

I need to ask about the amount of money we need to make before adoption is possible. I need to ask about adopting twins.  I need to ask about 2 bedroom apartments.

There are so many things to do! I am glad that I am thinking about this now because I think that adoption paperwork and everything will go full force for everything around summertime.

I am still anxiously awaiting the result of me getting into graduate school or not.  The sad thing is that me, the queen of education, deep down, I don't really want to go to graduate school.  Honestly, if I am going to adopt and Endrit has the opportunity to graduate a year early, why would I want to make us stay here an extra year?  We will see what will happen in early March.  It is just a couple of weeks away.

Just more questions to ask.  Graduate school or not...more specifics about adoption.  I still love what I am doing.

A song that has been stuck in my head.

As I have gone through the years of heartache, hurt, illness, patience, and learning, I have tried to find a moto that I can live by.  A couple of months ago, I found the song that fits into a moto that I have adopted into my life.  Doris Day: Que Sera Sera

What will be, will be.

Still no real official update on adoption.  On Saturday a storm rolled through and it took everything out of me. So, we didn't end up going to the temple.  I don't think that Endrit will be able to objectively talk about anything in the future until after May 4th.  That is the big deadline for his proposal and I am not going to press the issue on anything until he feels ready to tackle it.  

I continue to pray every day for my children and the birth mother.  I pray for many things every day with regards to my children.  I feel the child I know I will give birth to is guiding me through everything.  Telling me to press issues with Endrit and when to back off for a while.  

So, que sera sera.

No temple trip yet

We decided that we will go to the temple on Saturday.  It will happen no matter what, but it is just delayed a little bit. I am fine with that because Endrit is really busy with his schooling.  He got put on a deadline for a proposal that seems to make him think that he will be done around May 2011.  This works out great for the adoption plans.  August 2011 is later than May so it is a logical connection.

My heart is at peace with everything.  I call and talk to the specific person from the state department tomorrow or Friday to get all of the information that I need to get everything started.

I can no longer get the smile off of my face.  This is the most peaceful I have felt in years.

Costs

I am starting to tabulate the costs that Albanian adoption is going to have.  It is 100% worth every penny, but there is a cost.

Home Study...$1,200+  Honestly, this is less than I thought it was going to be.
Paperwork...$670  I didn't expect any less.  Government paperwork always is expensive.
Travel...$5,000+/-  The bulk of the cost. It takes a bit to get to Albania and stay there for 2 weeks.

That is all I know as of right now. There might be fees in Albania. I still need to get a call from the state department.  Now to start saving.

The Start of My Story

    By the end of 2009 I knew that I wanted to adopt. I wasn't 100% sure I would, but the intent was in my heart. 2010 came and I was no closer to knowing than I had since the wedding. January 23rd came and changed my life.  It was the day that Adam and Alicia got married. I was sitting in the sealing room waiting for the rest of the wedding party to come in and I was thinking about random things.  

    I looked at the alter and I had a distinct impression that my children were with me.  I felt a boy and a girl saying that I will be sitting in the temple getting sealed to them in the future.  It seemed like more of a goodbye and they would see me soon.  It was something that I couldn't not feel.  It was so strong that I 

couldn't disregard it. It was a feeling that demanded my attention.

    I sat there stunned.  I talked to Endrit about it after and he didn't get that impression, but it didn't feel wrong.  That was good because usually Endrit tells me everything that I feel is wrong.  So this was a step in the right direction.  

    On January 25th, I felt my children come around me for the last time.  I have not felt them since.  They came to me to say a final goodbye and make me promise to find them.  I promised with all of my heart to do that.  Little sister even promised that she would guide me to them.

    On January 30th, Endrit and I went to the temple.  We did sealings.  We had time before they started the sealings to sit there and think.  I thought and prayed about what I had felt the week before and on that Monday.  I felt a little bit chastised by questioning it.  It was more of a you already got the answer so just prepare for it answer.  That was all it took to settle my heart.

    Endrit still needed to get his US passport so we made sure that he did that; almost to the point that he was getting mad at me.  We decided that we would prepare to go to Albania in the end of summer 2011 and look into going to an orphanage while we are there.

    This is the point that we are at.  We are going to the temple tomorrow to pray about everything to try and set up a timeline on when we should start our home study.  I need to find out if I am in my graduate school program because that will be a big determining factor for when we can adopt.  There are still many questions that need to be answered. 

When will Endrit get his graduate degree?  When will I know if I am in graduate school?  Where and when will I get a job?  Am I supposed to get a job?  I have a feeling to the answers to those questions, but I can never be 100% sure on something like that.

I am very excited to start this journey.  This blog will document my spiritual progress as well as the actual adoption process that we will be embarking upon.  

What Started the Ball Rolling?

The past 4 years have been absolutely incredible.  From the 19 year old girl that married her university sweetheart to the 24 year old that is sitting on the couch with a laptop writing this out is almost night and day.  I went in thinking that I will become a mother in a year or two.  The struggles with health.  Switching to natural birth control and having a miscarriage.  Gaining confidence in my own body but having my passion for adoption come deciding either adoption or home birth...then deciding on both.

This is the final start of this adoption journey.  In the back of my mind I always knew that I would adopt.  It has come more and more to the front of my mind in the last year or so.

I am excited to start out on this journey to bringing children into my home.